Heal Me...

I need healing!!! Your class, at this present juncture, is irrelevant.

I don't care if you're a White Mage, Druid, Paladin, Priest, Cleric, Shaman, Templar, Restoration Mage *takes a deep breath*, Bard, Astrologian, Seer, Water Mage, Medic, Wavemaster, Vicar, Monk, Spirit Healer or whatever. As long as you make me feel better, I'm down!
 
For the past week I have been plagued by the disastrous, the evil, the decimator of dudes, the feller of females, the EVERYTHING hurts, the "can I leave my head at home?", the "I have no desire to eat but the moment I try to, it all comes right back up" disease. What we locals commonly refer to as The Carnival Flu. It normally rears its ugly head around this time (Late July into Late August) and reeks havoc on not only the body, mind and soul of the afflicted individual (I'm convinced it's actually a curse brought about by some necromancer or a vengeful spirit that has failed to "move on") but also endangers the livelihood of said individuals (no one wants to go to work when you feel like a blacksmith is using your brain as an anvil and your chest and throat feel like you just drank some of his molten metal). Seriously, The Carnival Flu is awful, AWFUL I tell you. I have witnessed companies having to close up shop (for the day) because the work force has been reduced to less than skeleton staff on account of The Carnival Flu (normal head count = 55 workers; Carnival Flu head count = 12 workers 6 of them Supervisors/Managers who just got over the abhorrent abomination).
 
Maybe I'm not being clear, because I don't get the sense that you fully grasp the concept I'm trying to relay to you. Let's try this. You know The Man Cold right? *imagines you nodding or saying uh huh* Well The Carnival Flu is at least 10 times worse. Imagine The Man Cold multiplied! Imagine Chikungunya extrapolated! Imagine The worst bout of ANY menial sickness you can think of and The Carnival Flu will blow it out of the water. The Carnival Flu will see your imagined sickness and raise it 4 more symptoms. The Carnival Flu will make your imagined sickness feel like taking your end-game, max level character back to the tutorial stage.

I cannot emphasize enough the dreaded state The Carnival Flu leaves you in!!!  
 
"Hey TAG, why don't you just take a stroll down to the nearest shop and purchase yourself some potions and healing items and stuff? I thought you were a GAMER bruh..." *snide smirk*

They don't work!

Currently I have been through a plethora of potions, a cacophony of concoctions, a pharmacy of pharmaceuticals and all this from a guy who doesn't like taking medication. (I'm not a fan of doctors and I'm even less a fan of medication. I prefer to use the abilities and skills I have obtained, whether learned or innate [fighting through the illness], to help me out in my quest [dealing with my illness]. I would much rather save my potions [medications] for when I absolutely, positively have to use them or for when the final boss [my illness] is a jerk who uses uber status ailments/debuffs or some such poppy-cock [I normally end up never actually using them but... meh. Don't judge me, ok?]) So far, I have downed Panacea (Paracetamol), Remedy (Robitussin), Sedatives (NyQuil),  Draughts (Lemon Grass and some other random assortment of leaves given to me by a coworker who swears by them), Tinctures (Theraflu), Green Herbs (Moringa Leaves fresh from the source) and I'm still sick. (Another reason why videogames are better than real-life. Remedy/Panacea cures all. Not so, however, in real-life) [Stupid real-life, why you no easier]

If things don't get better I fear the worst for me. I have already lost 6 pounds (those of you who know me personally know I don't really have 6 pounds to lose) and I haven't played any videogames (except for Class of Clans, we had a war going on and I had to donate troops) for the last 6 days. This fact alone exemplifies the severity of the situation as it stands. It takes A LOT to keep me away from my gaming, A LOT, but I don't have the urge or the energy to play. How can I? When my day is as follows: get out of bed, get ready for work, work (or what passes for work now that I'm sick), get home, head for my bedroom, take off my shoes/clothes, asks the household to not be so loud, hide my head under my pillow, sweat profusely, shiver uncontrollably,  twist and turn, attempt to sleep, have fever dreams, blow my nose, cough and cough and cough, curse my sore throat, drink water, try to find a comfortable position, drift in and out of sleep, choke on phlegm, check the time, ponder staying home tomorrow, watch the sun come up, bear my aches and pains, feel miserable, sigh, get out of bed.

I can't take much more of this. So please... someone, anyone, HEAL ME!!!

P.S. If your hands actually look like that, you my friend, are uber cool-some (cool + awesome) and you rock!!! (but you may want to get that looked at, because I'm sure there must be some sort of health risk involved!)