Sometimes all you need is a sufficiently frustrating situation and a correlation of concepts to get the job done.
I have been feeling a bit "down in the dumps" lately. No I'm not depressed (more like disappointed) but sometimes things don't go the way I planned and I have to make a few sacrifices here and there to get things sorted out. Mainly, I'm referring to my financial obligations that require immediate and persistent attention (bills, rent, food, etc) and the ever so often "out of the blue" costs that magically appear after I have saved up just enough to get that game I wanted. (A wild payment has appeared, T.A.G tosses gaming funds... story of my gamer life *sigh*) I understand that being an adult comes with its fair share of responsibilities but 15 years old me thought one of those responsibilities would be the relatively consistent purchasing (once a month or so) of games or gaming related stuff (controller, headset, skins/covers, etc).
Dear 15 year old me,
It doesn't happen bruh! Sorry!
The End
I have also been undertaking a few ventures that will expand and improve T.A.G's presence in the gaming community. I was hoping to make a bigger splash in the pool, so to speak, but the universe is having none of that. There has been research done, calls made, requests denied, meetings cancelled, attempts failed, plans redacted, access rerouted, purchases made and still no progress. (Glares at my disappointment, while motioning it to go back to it's corner)
Noticing the change in my demeanor a friendly friend asked what the issue was and I sort of let on that my plans seem to be veering off course and I'm having a hard time making any headway with my aspirations. I told him things seem to be at a stand still and my efforts appear wasted. (This is my eloquent/adult way of saying "I'm not getting my way" and it is equivalent to me crying and throwing a temper tantrum) The friendly friend let me know that all of this stems from me trying too hard. He said that I was maybe biting off a bit more than I can chew or I was expecting too much to happen too quickly and I should consider the following options: either allocate more time to get things in order (I don't think he got that I think things are taking way too long to get where I want them) or try not doing so many things at one time, essentially quit multitasking (O_O huh? No multitasking? That's ludicrous. It's like he's asking me to not be me...)!
I gladly accepted the advice and began mulling it over (trying my best to "pick sense from non-sense" which is a local idiom meaning "try to find something helpful from any and every thing). Maybe he was right. Maybe I'm trying too hard, maybe I want to run before I walk, maybe I should ease up and ease off.
"Or... maybe you can do what you do all the time. GRIND!!!"
(Grind, is gamer lingo for "battle enemies and gain experience in order to become stronger. For those who need it, please see the lists of gamer terms and lingo, found HERE and HERE)
It was so simple, it was genius (even if I did come up with it myself)!!! Why not just apply the same tactics I use in my gameplay to this real-life situation? Just put in the time and the effort and stick to it. Apply the stubborn, tried and true, old fashion, never fail always succeed gamer strategy of grinding.
So taking my friendly friend's advice (and tossing it out the window *assumes no offense is taken*) I have decided to do it the best way I know how and plough full steam ahead with some of the things I have been putting off or had a hard time getting done. As such I have completed a number of tasks that have taken way too much time for me to get done in the first place. (The fact that the ACTUAL process of completing all these things took just 1 sleepless night,and I have MANY of those, has no influence on the time it took to ACTUALLY get them done. For the record, this is not an excuse... it's an explanation. P.S Don't Hate!!!)
So, I am proud to report *proud smile* that T.A.G now has ALL of the following under his belt:
- T.A.G Twitter Account --> @theantiguagamer
- T.A.G Instagram --> @theantiguangamer
- T.A.G Email Address --> theantiguangamer@hotmail.com
- T.A.G Skype --> TheAntiguan Gamer / theantiguangamer@hotmail.com
- T.A.G Twitch Channel --> TBA
- T.A.G Youtube Channel --> TBA
- T.A.G SoundCloud --> TBA
- T.A.G Facebook --> TBA
(TBA = To Be Announced... meaning... they are not ready for public viewing yet but they're getting there *suggestive wink*)
I still haven't save up enough money for my new games (Final Fantasy Type-0 HD and either The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt or The Elder Scrolls Online: Tamriel Unlimited) yet but I'm 74.35% there and I'll just keep on grinding for those extra dollars. (a pleasant side effect of grinding is the increase in money gained from battles, where money = my salary and battles = work)
Who says you can't learn anything from videogames? They need to have a chat with me so I can let them know whats up. (Please forward all "videogames can't teach" insinuations, indictments, incidents and/or insults to T.A.G's email address... found above)
It's been far too long since I have been among you. I hope you readers didn't think I had abandoned you. Did you? Good for you if you didn't! Shame on you if you did!
Life has been taking over recently and it hasn't been giving my the time or inspiration to post as often as I should be. I'm sure you all can relate, so I'll leave it there and get to the main reason I'm here!
In case you didn't notice, The Antiguan Gamer Blog has hit 1000 views (don't feel bad, I didn't notice it either until today and the actual count upon writing this is 1028 views) *proud smile* and once again I give thanks to all of you!
!!!THANK YOU~THANK YOU~THANK YOU!!!
- Thanks to you readers who have been with me from Day 1. (You, make this a joy and as long as you keep reading I'll keep writing)
- Thanks to the newest readers. (I love you just as much and hope you're in it for the long haul)
- Thanks to the people who share my blog. (via word of mouth or email or facebook or twitter or google+ or ... whatever)
- Thanks to the Select Start Gaming crew. (you guys are my gamer family inclusive of that one weird cousin no one understand)
- Thanks to my #TAGteam. (the help is greatly appreciated)
- Thanks to the software that tracks the view count. (keep up the good work)
- Thanks to my gaming systems for always being there. (what would I do without you... *shudders to think*)
- Thanks to the 4 people that took part in the pole. (your opinions have been duly noted)
To any and every one that Is involved with the blog in any way shape or form. To you I say THANKS, THANKS, 1000 TIMES... THANKS!!!
I can't speak for every one but for me, gaming is a very emotional thing! I tend to get engulfed in my game play be it blasting an orc with my flame spell or filling a quadrupedal war tank with holes (genre is irrelevant). I always project myself, both physically and mentally, onto my character (even with my penchant for white hair and red eyes). I find myself guiding them according to my moral compass as I get overly drawn into the game world where I have superimposed my decision making onto the poor unsuspecting avatar that happens to be a slave to my whims. He/She/It has no other choice than to do what I want, when I want, how I want it "and that's the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so" and by Stone Cold I mean me... (older Wrestling fans will appreciate that line while everyone else will do 1 of 3 things: wrinkle their foreheads in confusion, google the line or both)
Just a few weeks ago my lovely wife reminded me of the time I was horribly distraught over the death of a video game horse. (Let me explain to the people who are laughing at me and the people who did not immediately nod in agreement as they thought up their own video game item whose loss would induce panic and distress) The "video game horse" in question is Agro. The tireless and loyal companion (not to mention speedy transport) of the main character (Wander) in Shadow of the Colossus. Agro is your SOLE companion as you traverse varied landscapes and defeat the mountainous giants that inhabit the land. Agro never leaves you nor forsakes you, he/she trots up every time you whistle and some of the colossi (bosses) are unbeatable without aid from Agro. If you played the game you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about and you sure as hell know why I would react in such a way. If you played the game and still don't get why I was distraught then you, my friend, are a heartless statue with liquid nitrogen running through you. (Just Kidding)
The emotional toll that gaming takes was administered to me again the other day in such a magnanimous way that I was literally moved to tears. I was at home deep in the middle of a Mass Effect mission that had me in a shoot out against the Geth and Krogan minions of the scoundrel I have been chasing for the whole game. This was my third attempt at getting through the battlefield unscathed (and by unscathed I mean without dying). The Krogan were shotgun totting brutes that just loved getting up close and personal while the Geth sat back and sniped from long range (a very good tactic... one that I stole from and used against them *proud smile*). I was about halfway through the ordeal and the fighting lulled so I decided to do the smart thing and SAVE! (for the not so gamer-savvy readers, a SAVE is where you record your progress so you can: 1. restart from the save point after you stop playing and 2. don't have to repeat the thing/s you just did) I had just finished making my second save file when the power went out. My gamer mind immediately went into recon mode. What the hell? Did the power go out? S#|t!!! Did I save? When was the last time I saved? S#|t!!! Didn't I just save? Did it finish before I lost power? S#|t!!! It did save didn't it? I saw "Game saved" pop up! Didn't I? S#|t!!!(losing power in the middle of the saving process is the WORST possible thing that can happen as it essentially corrupts the save file making it unusable which defeats the purpose of having a save file which SUCKS)
In the midst of all this mental turmoil my mind did the perfunctory act of recalling the many other times this had happened before. Many of these occurred when my mom was still with me and it was these instances that my mind honed in on. (I lost my mom to cancer about 10 years ago. She suffered through it for a few years: travelling back and forth between home and hospital, doing the treatments and dealing with the after effects but we had found it too late and there wasn't much we could do. It was an experience that I will never get over. I don't think anyone ever does but I try to stay strong) The time when I explained why my 12 year old self was upset about my lost progress and she said "It's just a game". The time when I loudly uttered that expletive after an outage and she gave me a sound beating. The time when she asked me to stop playing and I didn't so she promptly headed over to the fuse box, threatening "YUH WAR ME LACK UM ARF?" (This is my local dialect for "Would you like me to turn it off myself?") That time when she FINALLY sat down to watch me play and was asking why my character had a gun but didn't use it.
*solemnly wipes away the tears while typing*
All of these memories brought with them a plethora of emotions: nostalgia, grief, joy, sadness, loss, anger, reminiscence and they all mixed with the panic, concern and uncertainty from the outage and merged into an indescribable yet overwhelming uber-emotion that you would have to experience to understand. I didn't expect it and it consumed me. I had no idea what was happening and before I knew it I found myself laying in bed, face pressed against the sheets, chest heaving silently as I cried (like the mama's boy I am). I stayed like that for the length of time it took me to gain control and regain some semblance of manliness (as "manly" as I could be with red, hot, wet cheeks and cold, tear-soaked, face-print sheets). The power came back and my lovely wife came into the room and found me in my "manly" state. She inquired what was wrong, got no answer, hugged and kissed me then left the room. (I'm still not sure if she wanted to let me have my dignity or if she decided to let me sort it out on my own but either way I love her for it) I sat up, wiped my face and chuckled at myself for being the emotional wreck that I was (but I think I was really suppressing the urge to analyse and critique what just occurred mainly because I still wasn't sure what had happened but also because I didn't want to rummage through all those memories/emotions again).
So with a refreshed pair of eyes (see what I did there...) I restarted my PS3 (to make sure my save files were safe) and continued on the journey I had started prior to the power outage, the emotional process that is T.A.G's life, and in the back of my mind I cursed myself and my feels!
